Utha Brutha Gowda (UBG), Lady Miss Meg and I recently got to playing a game called Jimmy Cell Cliff. The gig is: the pitcher comes up with a list of 3 people and the batter has to decide which of those 3 they would engage in carnal knowledge with, which they would spend the rest of their lives living with and which they would push off a cliff into a valley full of razors and glass. Among friends, the game is amusing and potentially thought provoking. After a couple of beers, its frickin hil-a-ri-ous. UBG was declared the night’s hands down winner, knocking out one classic set of answers after another.

Here’s the highlight reel:

ROUND 1 - Lady Miss Meg pitching to UBG

Meg: “Okay, so Halle Berry, Uma Thurman and Scarlett Johansen.”
Kei: “TOO easy!”
Meg: “It’s not your turn.”
Kei: “Laaaaaame. Lame, lame, OWWW!”
Meg: “You gonna shutup?”
Kei: “…”
UBG: “Okay, so Uma goes off the cliff.”
Meg: “Seriously? Right away?”
UBG: “That girl’s an alien. Big ass thumbs, freaky head. Done. Bill already done Killed her. Scarlett, I sleep with.”
Meg: “So…Halle’s your roommate for life? Why not just hit that?”
UBG, Kei (almost in unision): “She’s beauuuuuutiful, man.”
UBG: “Right. That’s a girl you wanna hang with for life. Not just one night.”

High fives ensue, followed by a few beers.

ROUND 4 - Kei pitches to UBG

Kei: “Okay we got…Hitler, Dracula and Ghengis Kahn.”
Meg: “Dracula’s not real!”
Kei: “Yes he is.”
Meg: “Dude, he’s not.”
Kei: “He is for this game.”
Meg: “That’s not the way it works.”
UBG: “No, I’ll take it. So straight up, Mr. Hitler goes off the cliff, of course. Then I knock boots with Dracula for the weekend and move in with Ghengis on Monday.”
Meg: “Why Dracula?!”
UBG: “Dude’s a biter. You know he gets fun freaky. Plus, his wardrobe kicks ass.”
Kei: “And you know Ghengis can cook.”
UBG: “Exactly. Homeboy’s a straight up Mongoloid. So not only is he grinning and giggling all the time, he’s also rocking the roast mastodon on a spit in the backyard every weekend. BBQ year round, baby! Tell your friends!”

Interlude: Another couple of rounds of beer, way too much candy from the bowl of Tootsies and Nestle Krunch on the bar and an unmoderated panel to determine if 70’s Blacula could beat up Gary Oldman’s Dracula.

Advantage: Blacula.

ROUND 6 - Kei pitches to UBG

Kei: “Platypus, Monkey, Giraffe.”
Meg: “What the fuck?! Animals are so *not* legal.”
Kei: “MY RULES!”
Meg: “Whatever.”
UBG: “I get jiggy with Monkey, knock Giraffe off the cliff and get Platypus on the lease.”
Meg: “You…what?! For what reasons?!”
UBG: “Monkey’s all randy and nasty by nature. If I live with her she’s gonna spend 90% of her day not only trying to hump me but my sneakers, my TV, my iBook, just staining up everything. So one lusty night and then it’s sayonara for life. Giraffe goes over because I definitely can’t handle that kind of size between the sheets, and just how practical is he as a housemate? I gotta find a place with high ceilings, we can’t share shit because his cereal and CDs and black beans and whatnot all have to be on some shelf 12 feet above where I can reach it. So no go on Toys ‘R’ Us.”
Kei: “But you’ll live with Platypus.”
UBG: “Of course. Platypus is an amphibian. You get to have a water feature in the crib. Little heated infinity pool or something running through the living room. Hang in the pool. Jump out and read on the couch for a bit. Back in the pool after dinner. Plus, he’s all velvety, so folks like to come over and stroke him. Easy choice.”

Several beers later inanimate objects have become legal.

ROUND 9 - Meg pitches to Kei

Meg: “Okay, okay, okay. We got a Lamp, a Fridge and…”
UBG: “Toilet.”
Meg: “YES! Toilet.”
Kei: “But Dracula’s not allowed, apparently.”
Meg: “TOILET!”
Kei: “Fridge gets the one night stand. She’s full of food and beverages year ’round. Obviously eager to please. Perfect bed mate. Miss Lamp goes over the cliff. What? So she moves in and suddenly anytime we hang out I’m supposed to pay extra for electricity? Lame.”
Meg: “Toilet moves in?”
Kei: “Of course. What the hell am I gonna do without a toilet, cruise the gas station down the street whenever I need to do my business?!”
UBG: “Plus, as a roommate, you can pretty much shit all over him and he’ll still be cool.”

At this point, Meg and I nearly asphixiate from laughter. Game, set and match: UBG .

Utha Brutha Gowda (UBG), Lady Miss Meg and I recently got to playing a game called Jimmy Cell Cliff. The gig is: the pitcher comes up with a list of 3 people and the batter has to decide which of those 3 they would engage in carnal knowledge with, which they would spend the rest of their lives living with and which they would push off a cliff into a valley full of razors and glass. Among friends, the game is amusing and potentially thought provoking. After a couple of beers, its frickin hil-a-ri-ous. UBG was declared the night’s hands down winner, knocking out one classic set of answers after another.

Here’s the highlight reel:

ROUND 1 - Lady Miss Meg pitching to UBG

Meg: “Okay, so Halle Berry, Uma Thurman and Scarlett Johansen.”
Kei: “TOO easy!”
Meg: “It’s not your turn.”
Kei: “Laaaaaame. Lame, lame, OWWW!”
Meg: “You gonna shutup?”
Kei: “…”
UBG: “Okay, so Uma goes off the cliff.”
Meg: “Seriously? Right away?”
UBG: “That girl’s an alien. Big ass thumbs, freaky head. Done. Bill already done Killed her. Scarlett, I sleep with.”
Meg: “So…Halle’s your roommate for life? Why not just hit that?”
UBG, Kei (almost in unision): “She’s beauuuuuutiful, man.”
UBG: “Right. That’s a girl you wanna hang with for life. Not just one night.”

High fives ensue, followed by a few beers.

ROUND 4 - Kei pitches to UBG

Kei: “Okay we got…Hitler, Dracula and Ghengis Kahn.”
Meg: “Dracula’s not real!”
Kei: “Yes he is.”
Meg: “Dude, he’s not.”
Kei: “He is for this game.”
Meg: “That’s not the way it works.”
UBG: “No, I’ll take it. So straight up, Mr. Hitler goes off the cliff, of course. Then I knock boots with Dracula for the weekend and move in with Ghengis on Monday.”
Meg: “Why Dracula?!”
UBG: “Dude’s a biter. You know he gets fun freaky. Plus, his wardrobe kicks ass.”
Kei: “And you know Ghengis can cook.”
UBG: “Exactly. Homeboy’s a straight up Mongoloid. So not only is he grinning and giggling all the time, he’s also rocking the roast mastodon on a spit in the backyard every weekend. BBQ year round, baby! Tell your friends!”

Interlude: Another couple of rounds of beer, way too much candy from the bowl of Tootsies and Nestle Krunch on the bar and an unmoderated panel to determine if 70’s Blacula could beat up Gary Oldman’s Dracula.

Advantage: Blacula.

ROUND 6 - Kei pitches to UBG

Kei: “Platypus, Monkey, Giraffe.”
Meg: “What the fuck?! Animals are so *not* legal.”
Kei: “MY RULES!”
Meg: “Whatever.”
UBG: “I get jiggy with Monkey, knock Giraffe off the cliff and get Platypus on the lease.”
Meg: “You…what?! For what reasons?!”
UBG: “Monkey’s all randy and nasty by nature. If I live with her she’s gonna spend 90% of her day not only trying to hump me but my sneakers, my TV, my iBook, just staining up everything. So one lusty night and then it’s sayonara for life. Giraffe goes over because I definitely can’t handle that kind of size between the sheets, and just how practical is he as a housemate? I gotta find a place with high ceilings, we can’t share shit because his cereal and CDs and black beans and whatnot all have to be on some shelf 12 feet above where I can reach it. So no go on Toys ‘R’ Us.”
Kei: “But you’ll live with Platypus.”
UBG: “Of course. Platypus is an amphibian. You get to have a water feature in the crib. Little heated infinity pool or something running through the living room. Hang in the pool. Jump out and read on the couch for a bit. Back in the pool after dinner. Plus, he’s all velvety, so folks like to come over and stroke him. Easy choice.”

Several beers later inanimate objects have become legal.

ROUND 9 - Meg pitches to Kei

Meg: “Okay, okay, okay. We got a Lamp, a Fridge and…”
UBG: “Toilet.”
Meg: “YES! Toilet.”
Kei: “But Dracula’s not allowed, apparently.”
Meg: “TOILET!”
Kei: “Fridge gets the one night stand. She’s full of food and beverages year ’round. Obviously eager to please. Perfect bed mate. Miss Lamp goes over the cliff. What? So she moves in and suddenly anytime we hang out I’m supposed to pay extra for electricity? Lame.”
Meg: “Toilet moves in?”
Kei: “Of course. What the hell am I gonna do without a toilet, cruise the gas station down the street whenever I need to do my business?!”
UBG: “Plus, as a roommate, you can pretty much shit all over him and he’ll still be cool.”

At this point, Meg and I nearly asphixiate from laughter. Game, set and match: UBG .